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Just because a post on Facebook or Twitter might be categorized as PUBLIC, does not in any way mean it is an open venue. It is still a forum belonging to an individual or entity. Think of it instead as having been invited in to a backyard barbecue; in other words, you are a guest, with an actual host, mind you. Therefore, had you been raised with any decorum and manners you would know that there are certain behaviors you should do your darnedest to avoid.

#1. Under no circumstances should you drop your pants and shit in the bushes.

#2. You should avoid spitting your phlegm and/or tobacco spew (sorry not sure what that nasty stuff is called after you’ve sucked it back n forth between your rotten yellow teeth several times) onto the porch deck.

#3. You should most definitely NOT light any cigarettes (this includes those vapor thingies and e-cigs) if your hosts are non-smokers.

#4. You should always and most definitely be kind to the other guests at the bar-b-cue simply because some of them might actually be long time friends of the host, not simply riff-raff who happened to wander in off the street taking advantage of the simple generosity of the host.

#5. When engaging in conversation, stick to the original topic that the person who initiated the conversation started. Or if you find that you just cannot focus on the matter being discussed, nod politely, wait a little bit, then go start your own conversation with other folks… Preferably even in your own backyard.

#6. In the event that you should happen to dislike the smorgasbord laid out on the table before you due to any allergies, fussiness, propensities for indigestion or midnight flatulence, or just simple preference; do what your momma should’ve taught you when you were eight years old: “Boy, iffen you ain’t got nothing nice to say, you shouldn’t be sayin’ nothing a-t’all.” Or if keeping your ugly mouth closed is too tall an order, just say, “Well that all looks interesting…” and put down your fork.

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Thank you for reading and following these simple suggestions for how to enjoy the party. Please enjoy the continued feast.

Oh and one last simple thought, if satire is above your intelligence pay grade, allow me to spell it out more directly for you: quit being an asshole on other people’s page or you may find yourself deleted, blocked or worse: UNFRIENDED!

(Asshole-ry includes racism, bigotry, misogyny, narrow mindedness, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia and agoraphobia… Look it up, might be good for you to learn something new.) Okay. Good talk.

And one last thing… should you chose to share my awesome potato salad recipe, please remember to credit the chef. Stealing recipes is VERY bad manners.  it’s worse than peeing in the pool!

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One thought on “You’re invited to a Bar-b-cue

  1. Kortnee, I would LOVE to share this perfect gem of a reminder on MY FB page. Would I have the author’s permission and if so, how would I go about doing it? And if not, that’s OK too! I won’t!

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